inner peace.

honestly - i can't complain. this weekend was a well-balanced recipe of all things good...

it started off with an early morning trip to the dmv to get my motorcycle permit. an hour and half later (ridiculous) i walked out with my new id card with the anticipated not-so-lovely picture. i then met up with some girlfriends of mine - claire, bethany & kelly - to enjoy a little nature hike along the c&o canal and the great falls of the potomac. eight miles later, i returned home, jumped in the shower and hurried off to aggie muster at the historic omni shoreham in dc. gotta love that aggie spirit. while stephen reconnected with some of his old corps buddies, i got to meet his dad's current (but soon to be former) boss. we then schmoozed with the key note speaker and fellow thor's hammer wargamer, lt. gen. william fraser iii, and at the end of it all, we stood in somber silence as all the fallen aggies of past year were honored. the playing of taps gets me everytime. afterwards, we changed out and then scooted across the memorial bridge in our little red vespa to enjoy a pad-thai picnic on the mall and quick afternoon nap in the sun.

in short, yesterday truly was a great day, except...

amidst of it all, an undercurrent of deep restlessness stirred my soul, burdened my spirit and preoccupied my mind. by sunday morning i was in a funk. this tenacious feeling has been haunting me for i don't know how long. i have tried to shake it off by exercise, busyness, self inflection...just to end in futile striving. what's wrong with me? i'm afraid i'm lost in that age old question - "who am i?"

as my mind swam with plans, ambitions, motives? and so much more, we made our way to church this afternoon. caught up in my own little world of questions, i was not really expecting any answers out of the service. but lo and behold, i was pleasantly surprised by the lord's perfect timing. duke gave the sermon tonight, and the relevance almost knocked my socks off.

he centered his preaching around 1 corinthians 7:17-24, but it was the 23rd verse that echoed in my ears..."you were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men." why do we expend so much wasted energy searching approval from others? it is true that every person lives for a master - searching for freedom, joy, confidence - in the belonging. constantly desiring to upgrade our lives whether it is a job, location, or status, we numbly succumb to the social pressures of whatever ideal occupies our mental screensaver.

as we look to our circumstances to define our self-worth, we lose sight of the present. our continual quest for self-improvement leaves us exhausted and empty as we yearn for the unattainable. i think this prayer sums up our fruitless efforts quite succinctly: "there are seasons for all things, but our problem is that no matter which season we're in, we hanker for somewhere else. but god grant us the grace to be here and now, for you are here and now."

it is only when we learn to rest in christ, that we are able to find the freedom we are seeking. finding our honor, status and belonging in him as we accept him as lord over our lives. but of course, our tendency is to embrace this grace only after all our other efforts have failed us....figures! at least i was able to come to this realization tonight and return home feeling at peace. ah - how good it feels to air out my soul!

finally, i'd like to leave you with this amazing hymn whose lyrics have captivated my heart. they were written by martin luther in year...get this...1524.

"from depths of woe (psalm 130)"

from the depths of woe i raise to thee the voice of lamentation;
lord, turn a gracious ear to me and hear my supplication;
if thou iniquities dost mark, our secret sins and misdeeds dark,

o who shall stand before thee? (who shall stand before thee?)

to wash away the crimson stain, grace, grace alone availeth;
our works, alas! are all in vain; in much the best life faileth;
no man can glory in thy sight, all must alike confess thy might,

and live alone by mercy (live alone by mercy)

therefore my trust is in the lord, and not in mine own merit;
on him my soul shall rest, his word upholds my fainting spirit;
his promised mercy is my fort, my comfort and my sweet support;

i wait for it with patience (wait for it with patience)

though great our sins and sore our woes his grace much more aboundeth;
his helping love no limit knows, our upmost need it soundeth.
our shepherd good and true is he, who will at last his israel free

from all their sin and sorrow (all their sin and sorrow)